Scrolling the internet looking for job vacancies isn’t much fun. Right? Wrong! Effectively and efficiently searching for available jobs isn’t much fun; but if you allow yourself be distracted by the wonderful world of bizarre and potentially misleading job-titles, it becomes a lot more entertaining. Here are my top-eleven favourites so far:
11. Volunteer Swan Management Project Assistant: This just sounds great fun – and very necessary. Swans are contrary creatures needing firm management.
10.Lean Master Black Belt: Because you don’t get overweight black belts – especially not if they’re master black belts. Google would have me believe that this job is nothing to do with karate, but is actually related to qualifications in a system for process improvement in business strategy. Pfft to that, I say.
9. Scrum Master: Similarly misleading, ‘Scrum Master’ is nothing to do with rugby, but something to do with software development. Obviously if you were a Scrum Master you wouldn’t tell people that.
8. Horticulture Tutor: Purely because horticulture is a fun word. Horticulture. 😀
7. Master Composter: Not to be confused with a Master Composer.
6. Web Wizard: Because you’d be a wizard! Contractually! Officially!
5. Stick Welder: This job involves welding (sounds dangerous, but fun) and sticks. Sticks! The child in me approves of this job. Especially if you allow yourself to believe that the ‘welder’ part is a typo, and the vacancy is actually for a Stick Wielder. Responsible to Stick Brandisher. What a promotion that would be.
4. Estimator: I like the idea of being an estimator – it seems like you could get away with being very vague, all the time.
3. Agile Project Manager: Until now I wasn’t aware that there was a market for project managers cum gymnasts…
2. Ocean Controller: You control the Ocean!!!!! It’s probably just as well I’m not qualified for that position – that kind of power would definitely go to my head.
1. Marketing Monster: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! BUY STUFF! Presumably that’s the only sales pitch you’d need.